Day 17 - Bread!

There are grey days, and then there are grey days!  I know I extolled the virtues of grey days in an earlier post, but some are just nasty!  So what do you do on a cold, dreary, rainy day?  Here in the West household, we bake bread!

For years, we've been making a 100% whole wheat sourdough bread.  Our sourdough starter was given to us by a friend on Martha's Vineyard, way back when.  Remember this 2009 photo from our little rental on West Chop?

Rick is the primary breadmaker, mixing the doughs, kneading, and baking, while I play a supporting role of oiling the bread pans and shaping the final loaves.  Somewhere along the way, we discovered Peter Reinhart and his book, Whole Grain Breads: New Techniques, Extraordinary Flavor.  The technique of making two doughs the night before (a soaker - flour and water and a starter - flour, water, sourdough starter) ensures a wonderfully crumbed, almost fluffy, 100% whole grain bread.  Of course, having freshly ground flour helps too!  Never one to leave well enough alone, we enhance our bread with walnuts, raisins, and cranberries for a very complete loaf. 

Other good things we've been eating lately?
Inspired by an awesome Mediterranean restaurant in Portland, Ameera Bread, I've started to make Muhamara, a Syrian dip made with walnuts, roasted red peppers, and pomegranate syrup, and Shattah, our new favorite hot sauce.  They also make a fabulous Baba Ganoush, as well as Eggplant Salad, encouraging me to start and grow even more eggplants this year, but don't worry, no wheat this year.  Been there, done that, am enjoying getting my wheat berries delivered in 50lb sacks!

Speaking of things being delivered, one of the interesting occurrences with this pandemic is that people are buying up chicks like crazy, I guess wanting to ensure their egg supply for the future.  (Do they know it takes 4-8 months for chickens to start laying eggs?)  Months ago, I had ordered meat bird chicks, which will be delivered in a few weeks.  In preparation, Rick called up to have our chick feed delivered and was told that they were running out!  That the manufacturer was running out of raw material to make the product!  So now, not only is there no toilet paper in the grocery store, but there's a run on chicken food!  What's next?!

Day 16 - Changes

Some songs stick with me forever. One of my favorites is Nina Simone singing, "Everything Must Change." I return to this song time after time when life gets hard and now is no exception. Her seeming acceptance that "nothing stays the same, everyone will change," alongside the reminder that there are parts of life "one can be sure of," many of which come from the natural world (rain, sun, seasons changing) is immensely comforting.

And life has certainly changed recently. I just sent Rick off to the grocery store for the "elder hour" (6-7am). What used to be a simple act of going to get groceries is now fraught with anxiety, worried about getting infected, despite hopefully adequate protections. When groceries come home, how much care do you really need to take to not spread any potential germs? I remember a quote from Dr. Fauci a few weeks ago in the NYT, something to the effect that you can't do too much. So now, the girl who almost never washes a vegetable, is even giving her avocados and cuties a scrub!

Little changes too, like caring for my teeth. My annual dentist appointment cancelled so I dug out our water pick and am tripling up on oral hygiene. Who knows when I'll get in to see the dentist and now would be a really bad time to have a dentist emergency, or any emergency for that matter.

But change has always been a part of life, so why does this feel so different? Uncertainty has always been a part of life, so why does this feel so different? Is it because in "normal" times, we pretend that things will stay the same, that life is certain, that we can count on our days to proceed ahead as they have in the past? As they say in the stock market, "past performance is no guarantee of future results."

And so I start each day out in the woods to witness first hand the regularity of nature. The maples are budding, getting ready to splash the world with their spring brilliance. The robins have taken to the earth in hopes of a big juicy earthworm. And of course, the "weeds" are starting to grow. You can always count on dandelions!

My New Colleagues

Luka - keeping a careful watch

Scallion - chillin' like usual

Nina Simone singing "Everything Must Change"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgX2EAdvFyw

Day 15 - Two Weeks!

Today marks two weeks of working from home.  The first week, I finished Friday afternoon completely overwhelmed, as I had attempted to do everything I'd ever wanted to do but never had time to do.  Well, guess what!  I still don't have enough time to do all the things I want to do!  Over that first weekend, I reorganized my work priorities down to taking care of my students and supporting them and their parents as best I could and finishing my school-based practicum for a certificate as a literacy specialist, which isn't very school-based anymore but I'm expected to finish in a few more weeks anyways.

During the second week, I actually began to teach a little.  Out of 23 students, two families responded to my invite for daily lessons.  During that first lesson, which was horrible, I realized that I needed to establish a positive working environment in this new online setting.  I needed to focus on engagement and attention, even if it meant abandoning my usual lesson routine, otherwise, no learning would ever occur.  So we switched gears, read fun stories, started playing more games, and as the lessons went by, I'm able to sneak in a little more learning.  These are all good lessons for me.  I have always wanted to incorporate more games into my teaching and now I'm forced to.  It's also pushing me to expand my use of technology, which will both transfer to my teaching in a live setting someday, and be useful if I ever want to tutor online.

But it's been tough.  I don't really like being on a computer all day, which is mostly why I haven't posted for some time.  I do a "hard stop" at 3pm, shut down my computer (it needs to rest way more than it ever did!), and don't open it until 7:45 the next morning.  I avoid any and all computer related tasks on the weekends as well.  I've never before had such a clear separation of work and home life.  This is good, I suppose, but I do like to use the computer of other things as well, like looking up recipes and foraging tips and communicating with family and friends.  For me, the practice of gratitude has never been more important.  I am grateful that not only do I have a job, it is a job I find interesting and meaningful, even if it's changed for now. 

And I'm grateful for living in such a beautiful part of the country!  I'll leave you here with some photos and video from a fantastic run/hike we did last Saturday up into some blueberry fields.

Days 8 & 9 - Poultry and Prayers

Ducks are eager to greet the day, whatever the weather!

Chickens, not so much.

Mr. Duck (a muscovy duck) can't wait to see his girlfriend, who, for some reason, is spending the nights with the chickens.

Tibetan prayer flags atop our root cellar send their prayers with each breath of wind (lazy man's way of praying - perfect for me).  The wind had better keep blowing because right now, the world needs as many prayers as we can send!

Days 6 and 7 - What I Can Do

(Microgreen Forest)

Since moving ashore eleven years ago, I have been fulfilling a life-long dream of growing all the food I eat, including some years, wheat, dried beans and corn.  Last year, in a rare moment of maturity, I recognized that I can't do it all and I scaled back my garden quite a bit because of graduate school.  I joined a CSA and eliminated whole categories of vegetables from my planting list, such as brassicas, potatoes, and corn.  Instead of fifty tomato plants, I had two!  People who know me didn't believe it at first, but visitors came and saw for themselves that I had actually done it!

(Artichoke Seedlings)

I was not going to plant a large garden again this year, but given recent events, I changed my mind.  Growing food is never a sure bet (weather, pests, disease), but neither is getting your food from the grocery store these days.  By growing a garden, I can not only better guarantee our food supply, but I can also do my part to help others by hopefully having extra to give away.  At a time when I feel at a loss as to how to contribute in a meaningful way, growing good, healthy food is something I know how to do. 

(Leek Seedlings)

(Soil blocks soon to sprout lettuce and broccoli)

Day 5 - Insights Gleaned While Running

Technically, this is Day 6, but it's early still, and I have yesterday to share.  After nearly an entire week spent on the computer, I simply could not put in any more screen time yesterday.  Having started my new "work" week full of enthusiasm for all the work projects I was now going to have time to do, I finished Friday exhausted, overwhelmed, and unsure about of my efforts and role in this new world.  The disconnect between my immediate surroundings and life, which for now, just seems like an extended vacation, and the reality for so many people around the world who's lives are completely upturned, was hard to reconcile.  I felt like my ambitions earlier in the week, while helpful to someone someday, did nothing to alleviate people's immediate suffering and that did not sit well with me.

Rick was the first to notice that I was not quite right, but in true fashion, I denied it, "Oh, I'm fine."  Even sitting in meditation Saturday morning and noticing that old knot that used to be ever-present just above my belly button did not really help me be fully aware of the discomfort I was experiencing.  It wasn't until I went for my long run of the week that I realized something was wrong.  Normally, I run about two hours on Saturday while Rick walks along.  I usually run ahead for 5-10 minutes, doubling back with the dogs so as not to get too far ahead.  I try and keep my heart rate in the super easy aerobic range, but that proved incredibly difficult yesterday.  I wanted to blame my heart rate monitor, but it's nearly brand new, and not likely the culprit.  I commented to Rick that I was having a hard time staying in the appropriate zone.  He said, "What are you thinking about?"  I replied, "I'm thinking about how I can help teachers."  Sounds pretty innocuous, doesn't it?  But it was tapping into that place in me that is desperate to help someone, anyone, and also that place in me that thinks no matter what I do, it is never enough.  I didn't realize this all right away though.  I slowed my running pace so I was "running" alongside Rick who was walking.  I asked what he was thinking about.  "Breakfast," he said.  So I started to think about breakfast too and wouldn't you know it, my heart rate started to drop and I could pick up the pace!

I originally intended to title this post, "Lessons Learned While Running."  Time will tell though whether these insights lead to lessons and those lessons into learning.  I like the word gleaned for this post, especially if you consider the older definition, picking the remaining grain or vegetables out of a field after the main harvest.  I feel like any insights I might have gained were "gleaned" after a week's harvest of my brain.

For now, I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes and a picture from our run/hike up Ragged Mountain last week:
"[How do I do it?]  Well, it's always a mystery, because you don't know why you get depleted or recharged.  But this much I know.  I do not allow myself to be overcome by hopelessness, no matter how tough the situation.  I believe that if you just do your little bit without thinking of the bigness of what you stand against, if you turn to the enlargement of your own capacities, just that itself creates new potential.  And I've learned from the Bhagavad-Gita and other teachings of our culture to detach myself from the results of what I do, because those are not in my hands.  The context is not in your control, but your commitment is yours to make, and you can make the deepest commitment with a total detachment about where it will take you.  You want it to lead to a better world, and you shape your actions and take full responsibility for them, but then you have detachment.  And that combination of deep passion and deep detachment allows me to take on the next challenge, because I don't cripple myself, I don't tie myself in knots.  I function like a free being.  I think getting that freedom is a social duty because I think we owe it to each not to burden each other with prescription and demands.  I think what we owe each other is a celebration of life and to replace fear and hopelessness with fearlessness and joy."  -Vandana Shiva

Day 4 - Foggy Morning

I love foggy mornings.  Good thing too, because we have a lot of them here in Maine!  I'll never forget my first time in Maine.  Rick and I were sailing into Casco Bay in dense fog when Rick alerted me to the fact that our radar was showing a vessel on a collision course with us.  Moments later, we heard the captain of the ship calling out on the radio, something like, "Hey little boat, get the hell out of my way!" (I'm sure the captain didn't use those words, but that is how it resides in my memory).  We tacked and in another few minutes, saw the tail end of a cargo ship pass behind our stern.  Welcome to Maine!

Fog makes the invisible visible.  During the summer, cobwebs come out of hiding with the morning mist erasing their invisibility cloak.  Who knew there were so many spiders in the world?!  Lichens that are unremarkable on sunny days seem to pop off the trees on foggy days.

Fog brings a quality of stillness that is, well, rare these days.  I don't know about you, but I still feel like I'm racing around, even though I'm not going anywhere!  I start my day with good practices, but the rest of the day, my brain is racing with all these new exciting projects I get to work on.  I try and keep up with the never-ending emails and offers for the next great free teaching resource, many of which are valuable.  I jump from email to project to email to webinar and back again and I'm left with a very foggy brain!  I'm looking forward to starting some virtual teaching next week, which will lend some structure to my day, as well ground my efforts, being accountable to another at a particular time.

Like driving through the fog, this is a good time to slow down, if only I could do it!