Rick was the first to notice that I was not quite right, but in true fashion, I denied it, "Oh, I'm fine." Even sitting in meditation Saturday morning and noticing that old knot that used to be ever-present just above my belly button did not really help me be fully aware of the discomfort I was experiencing. It wasn't until I went for my long run of the week that I realized something was wrong. Normally, I run about two hours on Saturday while Rick walks along. I usually run ahead for 5-10 minutes, doubling back with the dogs so as not to get too far ahead. I try and keep my heart rate in the super easy aerobic range, but that proved incredibly difficult yesterday. I wanted to blame my heart rate monitor, but it's nearly brand new, and not likely the culprit. I commented to Rick that I was having a hard time staying in the appropriate zone. He said, "What are you thinking about?" I replied, "I'm thinking about how I can help teachers." Sounds pretty innocuous, doesn't it? But it was tapping into that place in me that is desperate to help someone, anyone, and also that place in me that thinks no matter what I do, it is never enough. I didn't realize this all right away though. I slowed my running pace so I was "running" alongside Rick who was walking. I asked what he was thinking about. "Breakfast," he said. So I started to think about breakfast too and wouldn't you know it, my heart rate started to drop and I could pick up the pace!
I originally intended to title this post, "Lessons Learned While Running." Time will tell though whether these insights lead to lessons and those lessons into learning. I like the word gleaned for this post, especially if you consider the older definition, picking the remaining grain or vegetables out of a field after the main harvest. I feel like any insights I might have gained were "gleaned" after a week's harvest of my brain.
For now, I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes and a picture from our run/hike up Ragged Mountain last week:
"[How do I do it?] Well, it's always a mystery, because you don't know why you get depleted or recharged. But this much I know. I do not allow myself to be overcome by hopelessness, no matter how tough the situation. I believe that if you just do your little bit without thinking of the bigness of what you stand against, if you turn to the enlargement of your own capacities, just that itself creates new potential. And I've learned from the Bhagavad-Gita and other teachings of our culture to detach myself from the results of what I do, because those are not in my hands. The context is not in your control, but your commitment is yours to make, and you can make the deepest commitment with a total detachment about where it will take you. You want it to lead to a better world, and you shape your actions and take full responsibility for them, but then you have detachment. And that combination of deep passion and deep detachment allows me to take on the next challenge, because I don't cripple myself, I don't tie myself in knots. I function like a free being. I think getting that freedom is a social duty because I think we owe it to each not to burden each other with prescription and demands. I think what we owe each other is a celebration of life and to replace fear and hopelessness with fearlessness and joy." -Vandana Shiva
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